Frequently Asked Questions (for parents)
Whose side are you on?
We want parents living apart to take good care of their children. Separation may bring immediate relief from household tension and fighting, but it does not improve parents’ ability to communicate or to jointly make important decisions affecting their children. Parents’ trouble in managing child-related issues – legal, logistical, or emotional – often negatively affects children, although this is the last thing parents want. While helping parents address these issues, we help their kids. That’s whose side we’re on.
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Are you going to try to prevent us from splitting up?
No. Nor will we try to accelerate the separation. Our focus is on your children, not your spousal relationship, and that is where we will focus our discussions. By the time most parents contact us for mediation, co-parent counseling or other services, both have decided that separation or divorce is the best or only realistic option.
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What is “co-parenting”?
“Co-parenting” is short for “cooperative parenting.” The term co-parenting describes an approach to parenting that acknowledges the decision parents have made to no longer live together. It recognizes the special relationship between former spouses or partners share with respect to their children. Co-parenting respects the boundaries that former partners need in order to heal and move on with their lives, but it also recognizes that, for the children’s sake, bridges need to be created between the two homes.
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What is the process?
We begin with an assessment, taking stock of both the issues and concerns you wish to address as well as issues that need to be addressed that you might not have thought of. From there, we will recommend mediation, co-parent counseling, and/or parent coordination. Then we set goals and we talk, usually with both parents together. We consider options. We evaluate options. Then we agree to try various options to determine which ones work best for the children and both parents, and we keep trying until we land on something that looks like it will work for the long term.
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How long will this take?
All of the services we provide are solution-focused. Our aim is to find solutions as quickly as possible. How long the process actually takes depends, of course, on what course of action we agree to take and how committed each parent is to making the process work.
Some parents merely want help settling their disagreements about custody and placement. This is called mediation, and we try to complete the process in three or fewer ninety-minute sessions.
When parents need help figuring out how to make the custody and placement agreement work, co-parent counseling helps them work together to develop a practical plan for cooperative child-rearing. Co-parent counseling typically takes five to ten sessions, depending on what the parents want to address.
If one parent is unable or unwilling to participate in co-parent counseling, individual counseling can help a parent free him/herself of the debilitating power of negativity and find empowerment in positive attitudes and expressions. Again, how long co-parent counseling takes depends on what the parent wants to address.
Sometimes, despite their best intentions, parents just can’t reach agreement. This places their children in the middle of disputes, keeps the parents going back to court again and again, and results in emotional wear and tear. In those cases, the judge may appoint a
parent coordinator to make child-related decisions for them, provide oversight, or make recommendations to the court. A parent coordinator could be involved with the family until the youngest child turns 18, but the average length of time is six months to two years.
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How much will it cost?
We charge by the hour, so how much it costs will depend on how hard you are willing to work toward resolution.
Usually, parents agree to split the hourly fees because they know that when they work together with the best interest of their children in mind, it is always less costly than going back to court over and over and over again, particularly when they consider the time, expense, and emotional energy -- and the toll paid by their children.
Co-parent therapy and individual therapy are often covered by healthcare insurance. Mediation and parent coordination services are not, and you would have to pay for them out of pocket, in the same way that you would pay your attorney.
Payment plans are available.
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What if my former partner doesn’t live around here?
If your former spouse or partner has moved away, we can provide mediation and counseling long-distance. The idea is to come up with solutions that work for you and the other parent and your children by any means necessary.
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Yes. When the other parent chooses not to participate in counseling, we can work with YOU to manage the situation better for yourself and the kids.
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Can stepparents or new partners participate in the process?
Sometimes this is very useful, but it will only occur with both parents’ consent.
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Can you help parents when there has been spousal abuse in their relationship?”
Yes.
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How confidential will our meetings be?
It depends on what services Divorce Conflict Solutions is providing you. Regardless of the service we are providing, we hold ourselves to the highest ethical standards of professional practice.
Wisconsin law designates custody and placement mediation to be “settlement negotiation.” This means that mediation is considered privileged communication and will be held in confidence, and the contents of mediation are barred from court proceedings. Occasionally, parents will agree to release information to the court, so that the judge can formalize their agreements into a court order; likewise, they might sign a release of information if our conferring with a third party, such as a child’s therapist, will help them reach a mediated agreement.
Services like co-parent counseling and individual counseling are considered “therapy,” and so are bound by the confidentiality requirements of mental health treatment.
Parent coordination is not a therapeutic process, and is not bound by the confidentiality requirements of mental health treatment.
IMPORTANT NOTE: There are two ethical and legal exceptions to confidentiality. First, as a “mandated reporter,” we are required to disclose information when we believe a child may be the victim of abuse or neglect. Second, we are legally and ethically required to report otherwise confidential information when there is reason to believe you might harm yourself or are a physical danger to another person who otherwise would be unaware of this threat.
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Do you plan on sharing what we talk about with my lawyer?
Sometimes it’s helpful to involve attorneys to ensure that the whole process will run more smoothly. It’s up to you. When you have reached an agreement, we’ll summarize this understanding in a letter to you. With your permission, I will send copies to your attorneys. We promise that this correspondence will not compromise our confidentiality.
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Do you plan on sharing what we talk about with my former partner?
Not without your permission.
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Do you plan on sharing what we talk about with my counselor/therapist?
Not without your permission.
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Do you plan on sharing what we talk about with my children?
Not usually. Sometimes parents want to meet with their children, either to discuss living and visiting arrangements or to advise the children of what they’ve come up with. Sometimes we’ll ask to meet with the children apart from the parents to gain their perspectives on the issues. Other times it might be helpful for us to speak only with the children’s therapist (if there is one).
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